Scraping weetbix of the floor is the most demoralising job ever
There is never enough time
(Sadly) painted red toenails can be the most exciting thing in the world
Shower grout doesn’t scrub itself
Your bedroom is always the last to be cleaned
Having to move all the laundry baskets full of crap you picked up and hid from visitors on your bed is a passion killer
Laundry baskets full of random crap placed around the house is the closest you get to avante garde decorating
The sound of the door closing as your partner leaves for work is suffocating
Tracksuit pants are more comfortable than skinny jeans
Dishes multiply by the degree of f*ck you give about not doing them
Children are a means of introducing ever mounting piles of crap into your house
If you don’t clean it up, you can pretty much guarantee nobody else will
It is lonely
Actually being alone (although rare) can be disconcerting
Long quiet breakfasts after a morning of lazing in bed are a distant memory
You wondered what you ever used to do with your time and money
There is never enough time for all the small jobs on the weekends, let alone the big ones
You have no idea what’s on at the movies unless it’s Pixar
No massage is ever long enough for you to properly unwind and stop thinking before it’s over
Some days you do just ‘stay at home’ because everything else is too overwhelming
Some days you just leave the house because the state it’s in is too overwhelming
The kids spill crap on the floor at least 10 times a day
You sweep the floor (or probably should have) at least 10 times a day
Reading about other women’s lives can be comforting
Reading about other women’s lives can be intimidating
Doing something to improve your own life is empowering
These are my truths and sadly at times I allow these truths to define me.
Not anymore.
I started Crash Test Mummy to find ways to make my life easier and motherhood more fun. Sometimes I can lose sight of this and get mired in the stuff listed above.
You will have read that this is Part 1 . . . there will be a Part 2. In the meantime I’m on a mission to:
Get Sorted, Take Care, Have Fun
Laney x
Must be one of the toughest jobs in the world! Sometimes I long to go back to work. I’ve found my blog to be an effective way to laugh about the situations I find myself in and connect with other mums.
Looking forward to part 2!!
A massage?? Rings a bell? :-)
Catherine Rodie Blagg’s last post..Sex (Mum… Please don’t read this)
Yes, my blogging has been a saviour too. Sometimes I find the connecting and massive amount of information online a bit too overwhelming, but the community is great. Yeah, I think I had a massage a year ago. Actually I gave one up recently just because I knew I wouldn’t enjoy it. How sad!
Totally being overwhelmed at the moment by all the points listed above!
Nice to read I’m not alone!
Ruth x
And it’s nice to know I’m not alone either. It’s a tough job hey?
So true, all of it. It’s funny, a lot of that stuff is exactly why I couldn’t handle being a stay at home mum and wanted to work again. Now that I work 4.5 days a week, I’d love to be home with that stuff! Typical, isn’t it? This too shall pass, and one day we’ll be wishing our grown up kids were little again, and spilling stuff all over the floor. x
Aroha @ Colours of Sunset’s last post..Team Friday with @BBeingCool
I know, I know. It’s a catch 22. I think the trick is to really work on time for yourself so it doesn’t get all too overwhelming.
This rings so true. Looking forward to part 2.
Sally Oakley (@SallyRavels)’s last post..With You In It
Thanks Sally. I’m looking forward to part 2 as well! It might take me a little while, but I’ll get there :)
Thanks for making me feel not so alone this morning. I am reading your post while trying to avoid a messy house….
Avoiding a messy house is what I do best (and is also what bites me on the bum when it catches up to me!). You’re not alone :)
I remember hanging my kids jocks on the washing line a few times, thinking “Is this what my life has come to? All my big dreams, my education, my career has led me to this?”
It’s incredibly tedious, particularly with little kids. I’m thankful mine are at school. More time for me, more independence for them, less picking up stuff from the floor. I just need to teach them how to do their own chores and help around the house.
You know what makes me happy? A made bed. My own. Or a clear kitchen bench. Being able to shop on my own.
You’re not alone.
Dorothy @ Singular Insanity’s last post..Things I Know – Love and Glasses
It’s the simple things that can tip us over the edge, and yet simple things can please us too. A made bed is heaven! Thanks Dorothy :)
Oh yes oh yes :) Isn’t it the conundrum of motherhood. You wait so longingly to be a SAHM and have such great plans but then it slowly wears you down until you’re pulling your own hair out with frustration and exhaustion!!! I hear you and go there too. It really is hard and all those things you wrote really are very true. I have no answers and will wait patiently for you to post yours – and then I will steal them :)
Caz’s last post..VINTAGE TRUTH: The Mummy Mechanic ~ for broken down mummies.
I think that’s it, the grind is taking its toll. I’m just over 4 years in and still have two little ones at home. I guess it doesn’t matter whether you have one or five – it’s still a hard job that requires all of your attention. Happy to share my answers with you :)
You are not alone Laney! I think if there was ever a job description for a paid job that entailed everything mothers do, no-one would apply! It’s the best and the worst job in the world….just got to hold on to the good bits when you’re surrounded by the bad.
Debbie @ Aspiring Mum’s last post..Lemon Delicious Pudding
Yes, that’s right Deb! Part 2 is in the making and will have all the good bits in it :)
This is all so true. SAHMs certainly have it tough and the points above are what I don’t miss! Looking forward to Part 2.
Yep, it’s definitely a tough gig. I’ll keep you posted on part 2 :)
I’ve got nothing good to say about parenting at the moment. Even though my son’s at school I’m glad to get to work to have something else to think about other than how much he’s giving me the shits at the moment. This will probably be in your positives post, but at least you’ve got a partner who walks back through the door after work. Parenting, no matter whether you work outside the home or not, is a thankless job and bloody hard work but we do it to the best of our ability anyway.
jen’s last post..Editing photos on the iPhone with Snapseed
I have those moments, when it all feels so thankless and you forget all the good bits. Hugs x
Yes. All of it. x
Tina ~ Tina Gray {dot} Me’s last post..5 tips to get on the PR radar
I could have kept going – easily, but then I might put everyone off having kids!
Laney – please write Part 2! But thank you also for writing Part 1.
Jodie Benveniste @ Parent Wellbeing’s last post..homepage
I will, I promise.
This post mirrors my haus frau life down to the very last crunchy crumb. Stay-At-Home Sisters united in Solidarity! Thank Gawd the good bits of Motherhood outweigh the annoying x
Jess WhoaMamma’s last post..Will the Real WhoaMamma Please Stand Up…
Oh the crumbs! We should start our own union ;) And yes, the good does outweigh the bad, but sometimes the balance momentarily swings the wrong way.
Gosh, every single thing on list was so true. You could walk into my life and feel right at home. X
Amy’s last post..Husbands and Sick Pants Wives
Scary how true it is for more than just me, but comforting at the same time x
nodded along to ALL of the points!!
Thanks Belinda – I’m not the only one by a long shot it seems :)
I cannot even begin to tell you how much I needed to read this today. I haven’t read something in a long time that has me nodding, smiling and nearly crying.
Thank you.
Loz’s last post..Finding your feet.
I’m glad it came along at the right time for you Loz. I tried writing other posts, but just couldn’t. This one had to be written x
Nodding, smiling and rolling my eyes with you, Laney. I swear I can physically feel my brain cells dying from the pure monotony of my life sometimes… OK, now CHEER ME UP, DAMMIT!
Tam’s last post..Weekend wishlist
I promise I will come good with part 2!
Day 1 of three weeks of school holidays here. Going to be a long three weeks.
School holidays isn’t too different for us. I can see how it would be a big change to have the kids at home every day. Time to find some fun school holiday activities! Kelly at Be A Fun Mum is a good bet!
Thanks for voicing this out loud. It’s good to acknowledge days and states like this because it’s real. And pretending that everything is beautiful and perfect EVERYDAY is exhausting. And yes, other movies don’t exist unless it’s from Disney.
Yep, sure is real! I’m not so good at pretending everything is perfect, it is exhausting. It also perpetuates the myth of the perfect housewife!
I stay at home because the predictability is comforting. The prospect of leaving the house fills me with fear. I get anxious about grocery shopping because it’s not what it used to be.. before kids.
It’s not all bad though. And its comforting to know that so many other mums feel the same way. I used to feel quiet guilty that I found breastfeeding boring. Everyone else would speak of how its such a wonderful way to love your child and feel truly connected… Sometimes it was. Sometimes I just wanted it to be over because I was bored. Or because I needed to hang the washing out because nobody else would (or the multitude of other jobs that only I see).
Thanks for the post. Hope you enjoy your day :)
Krystle’s last post..Vaccinations, Childhood Nurses and Non conformists
I’ve had a good day Krystie, thanks. The support I get through this blog is fab. We all love and struggle with different aspects of parenting. I breastfed my way through all the series of my favourite tv program – Monarch of the Glen!
Oh my gawd, this is all so true. No-one warns you about it and you wouldn’t believe them if they did.
Don’t worry about sweeping the floor… Nobody ever died from a crumb-y floor! xxx
Kate @ Our Little Sins’s last post..day 33 | 100 Pantone postcards project
Crumb-y floors is why I permanently wear Ugg boots inside ;) Couldn’t walk through here bare foot somedays – aagh!http://www.crashtestmummy.com.au/wp-admin/edit-comments.php#comments-form
A fab post, Laney. You should start a linky or a blog hop. I reckon so many of us would join in. J x
Jane’s last post..Double the fun: my first vlog and a book review
Thanks Jane. You’ve got me thinking. Maybe everyone could help me write part 2?
Amen sister x
Mum’s the Word’s last post..Backing Up Data for Dummie are you Computer Clueless too?
For what its worth Laney, I think it definitely gets easier as they get older. Whilst the challenges are still there daily, i think if I had not had my younger 2 and just had 3 older kids at school I would have much more time to feel organised and to be “me”. (obviously!) So now when I am feeling overwhelmed I remind myself how quickly the time went with my first 3 and how until then I need to find whatever time I can to do the things I want to….as before I know it they will have all up and flown the coup! ….maybe! xx
Martine@themodernparent’s last post..The Role of the Bystander : Give Kids the Skills to Say No To Bullying
Thanks Martine. I’m definitely in the thick of it right now. And yes, the time goes too quickly. I’m kind of glad CrashGirl isn’t off to school next year. We could send her, but I feel she’s just too young. One more year to get it right ;)
All.So.True.
I work p/time and *love* my job and on the days I’m at home with Miss 4 I often feel like this. But then I think, she’s off to big school next year and things will never be the same. I’m trying to remember that in the blink of an eye she’ll be a teenager and all this stuff you’ve written about will be a distant memory.
A great read, thanks for posting.
The Hungry Mum’s last post..Old fashioned Victoria sponge sandwich cake
You are so right, which is why I need Part 2 so badly. To remind me how good it can be too!
Goodness Laney, I can relate to every point on your list! – EVERY point – especially ‘reading about other women’s lives can be intimidating’ – because as much as I hate comparing, I feel like I’m a freak for not doing lots of things. I loved your ending – the empowerment bit. That’s exactly what I’ve tried to do in recent weeks too. Nothing good can come from that place of letting it overwhelm you. You have to get your power back. Can’t wait for Part 2. xxx
Deb @ Bright & Precious’s last post..One of Our Own
Women can be a judgmental lot, funny how it’s ourselves we judge the hardest isn’t it? And yes the overwhelm can be a killer. I’m so pleased everyone is helping me to write part 2 :)
You have been living in my house, haven’t you?!?! x
Christie-Childhood 101′s last post..Stepping Back
Yes, I have been, and I didn’t do any housework while I was there ;)
Oh Laney – how this resonates! So very true in every instance. I’ve 2 teens and a 2 year old and so can’t see the finishing line some days. A sleep in – you know a REAL sleep in – is on my Christmas list! Looking forward to your Part 2!
Shari x
Each year I promise myself I’ll be more gentle on myself, not stress about not doing enough, not stress about not being perfect. My kids are 9,7 & 5 and I’m still so rough on myself, I actually wonder if my biggest regret in parenting them while they are young will be that I was so tough on myself and took some of the shine off being a mum! At least we’re all in this together :)
Loreena’s last post..Great Ocean Road Budget Camping for Families – Torquay to Lorne
I’m a working Mum (work 4 days per week) and the majority on your list apply to me too. I think it’s Mum’s in general. Obviously the ones about hubby leaving (although for me, my hubby starts work at 7am so is gone by 6.15am and then I’m left to get 2 kids ready for school/childcare and myself for work before my work day has even begun, so kind of applies) and being alone etc don’t apply – but there is never enough time, always too much mess, always too tired on the weekends to do much fun, no one else thinks of cleaning or picking things up (hubby had yesterday off work and I came home to find the dishwasher still unloaded and my daughter’s nappy on the floor from the morning when he got her dressed for childcare – grrr) ! I think being a Mum fullstop is hard work!
Bec’s last post..Life challenge – week 23 – declutter your wardrobe
Oh, I know exactly what you mean – men just don’t see the same mess we do! And you’re right, it doesn’t matter if you’re stay at home or working, it’s hard for us all.
Yes, yes, yes! 90% of the last 8 years has felt like that…. And the extreme guilt for even having those feelings! Then you go out during the day and the super perfect mums with their hoards of kids go past and look so happy… Argh! Then I think “maybe I wasn’t supposed to be a mum… Maybe im just not cut out for this?” again more guilt piles on :-(. The truth with guilt is that it is unavoidable…. Leave kids to pursue work = guilt, stay home and not contribute financially = guilt, clean all day and have tidy house, ignore kids = guilt, play with kids, messy house = guilt
I solo parent ALOT (hubby away approx 18-20 days month) and I must say I am struggling….the guilt of wanting to run far far away from my two darlings…. Is it wrong to be excited about when they move out of home? Ha ha ha ;-) There ARE good things… Just tonight isn’t a good night for me to try and think of any, tee hee.
Mandy, I can’t believe how hard it must be with hubby away so often. You are so right with all those guilt catch 22s. It drives me crazy too. Thank you for sharing. We are all definitely in this together x
as much as I love my little pumpkin, I can relate to all these things and when I was a SAHM with a young baby, it was really quite frustrating. it was even more frustrating to know that I felt all these things and made me so guilty because I thought I should be all happy and blissful. but now 3 years on, I realise that it’s ok to feel these things… and still know that being a mum is really a blessing.
Ai Sakura’s last post..A Singapore Yacht Trip
Thanks for sharing that Ai :)
Had a moment myself this evening where I just sat on the kitchen floor & cried for a bit…Baby Cookie was too tired and hungry to let me get the dinner ready and Lil Miss Cookie just wants to ‘help’ all the time but ends up being highly irritating….. Still there’s always iView and a cuppa tea (in bed) Hang in there mums, and don’t be afraid to have a little weep every now and then. It really helps.
Big Hugs MrsCookie x I have spilled many tears today. Lots of realisations and lots of positive support too. Letting out emotions out really helps x
You hit the nail on the head… Literally. And some days feel like 27 hours and not 24! Xx
Tahlia – the parenting files’s last post..easy veal slow cooker recipe
Yes, they do feel much longer some days! I think those extra hours sneak in when you’re waiting for back up to come and save you!
I am sitting here and I am nodding my head yes to everything you wrote! Its not an easy job, and its not one that could ever be paid in money, but its something that I am proud of!
We made a promise to our family that at least one of us would stay home with our boys – no matter what it took. We have managed to have either David or I home with them for the last 18 years. sometimes I get jealous because David gets a break by going to work.
Sometimes he gets jealous because he cant stay home from work and spend time with his sons.
But its a job that never ends…there is no lunch break, no sick leave, no holidays and no overtime! Wish there was sometimes an escape plan :)
Lisa Wood’s last post..I Am Such A Bad Mum
We’ve made a similar decision Lisa, and it’s a hard one because you do both want what the other has. Grass is always greener!
My children are all adults now, but I was so privileged to be a SAHM while they were all growing up. Due to circumstances, I had to return to part-time, then full-time work when my youngest was finishing primary school, but I think we all benefited from my time at home with them in their early years. I do miss the time at home, being able to have some great meals cooked (things seem to be slapped together these days), but the boys don’t need me as much now, and I am in the next phase of my life. School Holidays, that everyone used to complain about – we always loved them. We didn’t have a lot of money to do lots of ‘activities’ but then my children weren’t demanding like that. We were all happy just sleeping in, hanging around in the pj’s all day if we wanted to, watching DVD’s, playing outside, or other activities like painting, drawing cooking, etc. and sometimes going to the movies. It was always great to have school holidays – I think we all just appreciated not having to be somewhere and have time constraints. Looking forward to the time I can actually retire and go back to being a SAHM without the kids (maybe grandkids by then). Just want to say to everyone, don’t focus on the tedium, boredom, or whatever, just remember that you are doing such a wonderful thing by being there for your children in their first years when they need it and need your influence and lessons. They will be different adults, I can assure you.
Such comforting advice from someone who’s been through it already. I really shouldn’t complain, but it was more just acknowledging the hard stuff so I can just get on with appreciating the rest. I know why I made the decision to stay at home, I just didn’t realise quite how difficult it would be!
I hit the wall a lot. Strangely, it’s got worse – or my tolerance for all the mundane and the “mother duties” has got lower – ever since I realised the Twin Tornado will be at Kindergarten next year. 2.5 days a week without a child in the house. I think it’s “white line fever” taking hold. The closer it gets, the lower my tolerance. Which makes me sad because I realise that they are my last 2 babies. Once they’re at school I’m just a Mum – no longer a stay at home Mum with toddlers. I know, I know – there will never be such a thing as “just a Mum” – but that’s how it feels to me. It’s a never-ending cycle of guilt, wishing the next 6 months away, guilt, desperately looking forward to that 2.5 days a week, guilt, trying not to lose my shit over the inane. Motherhood, who’d do it eh? Luckily, we get to look in on them when they’re asleep at night – clearly when they’re at their most angelic and fiercely lovable…or is that just my “Feral Threesome”?
Parental Parody’s last post..Red Nose Day
I know that guilt of wishing time away. I joke that I must be the only woman looking forward to turning 40 because by then both my kids will be at school. Then I realise I’m not ready for them to go to school yet! And, yes, my two are also angelic and fiercely lovable . . . when they’re asleep!
I’m working on my sentence for you – I just need an accompanying picture.
Other than that – Laney, I HEAR you.
That front door shutting, that suffocating. The trackpants. The weetbix. Oh the WEETBIX!!
Much love. Thank goodness for this online community.
Daisy’s last post..{Easy Peasy Cheater Rita} Apple & Cinnamon Scroll {plus a bonus garlic pizza recipe!).
Weetbix are evil. Thank you for your support x
No one write this kind of stuff Laney … but they should. Because the unrelenting nature of it all can really get you down. And if people think that everybody else is living in a pristine palace then it doesn’t help anyone really. I look forward to part 2. x
Misha’s last post..Wordless Wednesdays: This breath
I’m working on part 2. It’s going to take me a while!
snap… I think alot of mums think this… I know I do.
But atleast it is relief to know that there is someone out there going through the same ‘mum Im hungry’ ‘mum I have no socks’ business.
Yvette @ DTlilsquirts’s last post..Lil Squirts Bento Lunch – 29/06/12
Seems like there’s quite a crowd of us who share these feelings!