*** This post has been submitted to The Wall by D ***
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Laney x
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We all want to be a great mother to our children and a wonderful wife to our husband but sometimes the pressure we place on ourselves to be this can be a tad unrealistic. I know this is the case for me.
My children are happy,grounded,well fed,safe and most of all loved and the same goes for my husband but previously I didn’t think that was enough. I always put pressure on myself to be more and do more for them and while making this the focal point of my life I ended up forgetting about the most important thing…me! I used to think it was selfish of me to need some alone time to clear my head from the everyday chaos that takes place in everyday households with children but now I know it’s not selfish,it’s important for my well being as well as my family’s.
In September 2011 I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression and was put on medication for this. My youngest was born in Febuary of 2011 so you could say it kind of crept up on me. We have all heard of Bridezilla well I was the mummy version. Looking back I had slowly morphed into a woman I could hardly recognize anymore. My mood changed constantly, I was always emotional, irritable,anxious and I became a bit of a recluse. Any little thing would set me off and I felt like all I was doing was yelling at my eldest child or my husband (in between bouts of tears) and wondering how on earth I was going to make it through the day. There was always one constant that I could count on and that was the love I have for my children and the love they give me back. This is what made me seek help.
I was hesitant at first because I thought I was a failure for not being able to handle things as well as I probably should have been, but after talking to a wonderful woman at PANDA.org she made me understand that it’s nothing to be embarrassed about as it takes more courage to admit there is a problem than to just sweep it under the carpet. Seems simple enough….
The moment I spoke to a doctor and was diagnosed I immediately felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I had taken the first step to reclaiming the old me back. I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy journey and I was told not to expect major changes straight away but 10 months later I am feeling a whole lot better than I was 10 months ago. Yes the medication definantly helps but I am also seeing a counsellor regularly who is helping me manage my feelings and ways to deal with my emotions and situations as I also suffer from anxiety which is not uncommon in women with PND.
PND is far more common than we probably realize and if it is left untreated it can change lives forever and not in a good way. We mummies need to realize that if we aren’t in the right frame of mind and taking care of our own emotions and feelings then we can’t be the mums we want to be to our children. It’s not being selfish it’s a requirement.
Dont ever be afraid to admit to someone that you are not coping as well as you want to be. I hid my feelings from my family for 7 months until D day when I hit breaking point. These days I spend more time playing with my children and telling them how much I love them rather than trying to be super mummy who has a spotless house and worrying myself with the things I can’t change.
My babies are only little for such a short time and I want to cherish each of these moments while I have them. Don’t let PND stop you from being the mummy/wife you know you can be xx
This post submitted by: D
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D – it was very brave of you to write this. I also know what PND feels like and this really resonated for me – it’s awful not recognising the person you fought hard to be. I really get that. I’m sure your kids are reaping the rewards of you getting help and realising that a clean house is not much good if the family living in it is not happy. Good luck!
Kx
Hugs to you on your journey, D. You are taking all the right steps to reclaim YOU and I bet your family are loving it! After my first born 15 years ago, I too hid the signs for as long as I could from my family and seeking help was the best thing I ever did. PND doesn’t define its mum-sufferers and the more we discuss how so many women share this experience, the closer we come to making a difference. THANK YOU for making so many of us feel less alone x
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Full plaudits to you for speaking your truth here, gorgeous D. I’m just emerging from the fog of PND after about 3 years so I completely *get* you. I was also raised in an environment where the concept of self-care was non-existent so I’ve had to learn a lot. Thank goodness attitudes have changed since our parents’ time. J x
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Dear D. You have a message for us all. I have not experinced PND but I definately need to fit in more time for myself. Seems to be a common thread for us Mums! Best wishes for your endeavours to do this..
I am glad you sought help and are feeling better D. There is so much pressure on a new mum to be all things to all people that I can’t imagine throwing PND into the mix of already such a tiring, emotional, difficult time. All the best. :)
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Good on you D, it can be hard to talk about PND, and ante natal depression too. The people at PANDA are fantastic and it’s great that it’s a national organisation helping families all across Australia now. I’m one of three co-authors Jane Curry Publishing’s book ‘Beyond The Baby Blues, and I found that attitudes are really changing towards mental illness of all types. Lots of people were happy to talk about their experiences of PND, including me! Hope that you continue to recover and that these hard lessons learned are helpful for life.
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