You don’t need to be exhausted or depressed to be in the Danger Zone. Maybe you’re just a little bit lost. The roadmap through an easier, happier and healthier motherhood can help you too.
Sometimes motherhood all gets a bit hard. Whilst having children is immensely rewarding, it’s also bloody relentless. It can be easy to let your child’s needs become all consuming. Sure, we love them, so why shouldn’t they get our attention?
But what happens when the kids and your role as ‘Mum’ becomes your entire life and it’s not a change you were either willing to make or can get used to? I made the choice to be a stay at home mum, and whilst I’ve loved it, it has also been to my detriment at times.
What’s all this got to do with Facebook?
When things get hard we can tend to put our heads in the sand. We ignore the piles of washing, we avoid going out with friends because we feel like shite, exercising is something for people with energy, reading the same book again for the millionth time – no thanks.
We get lost in the Motherhood.
We lose our friendships. We lose our bodies. We lose our privacy. We lose our style. We lose our career. We lose our confidence.
We lose our way. We lose our direction.
What do we do instead? We lose ourselves in Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest (the holy grail of procrastination), daytime TV, Bejewelled!!!!
You know your poison ;)
Here at Crash Palace we’ve become very aware of the time we spend sitting next to each other and not actually talking. TV or the iPad becomes an escape from talking about how we’re feeling. They distract us from discussing difficult stuff like finances or my mental health. We’re knocking it on the head.
I’m also finding it quite ironic that I’m writing this blog post during a time that I’ve hardly been on social media and am finally feeling more motivated than I have been in a long time. I’ve recently started two new jobs. Jobs I could only have dreamed of having when I started my blog. It just goes to show, you can find your direction again. You don’t need to stay lost in the Motherhood.
So I’m guessing you probably want some kind of advice or a map to find your way out?!?!?!
My best advice is focus on yourself for a bit. Find some space to evaluate how you are really feeling and talk to someone about it! Work on different aspects of your life and look for some inspiration to start claiming your life back. This is what I hope this blog will be for you. I look to others for ideas and inspiration to crash test. We can do it together.
Also look back and remember what it was you loved to do before you became a mum.
Don’t forget, you had a life before kids. Remember, they’re coming along for the ride and enriching it, not taking it over ;)
My last piece of advice is this. You’ve been around longer than your kids. You have so much to give them and show them. Demonstrate to them how to live your life, rather than get pulled entirely into theirs.
But remember, I’m not the expert, I’m the experiment. Become the experiment. We’re not all the same. Not all of us have lost the same things. But it’s up to us to find them again and explore new aspects of life as a mum ;)
Are you feeling a bit lost? Have you found yourself again? Have you found a better self?
I’d love to hear your stories.
Laney x
Photo Credit: Bob Jagendorf via Compfight cc
Since I’ve been a mum (4.5 years) I’ve loved it it was what I’d always dreamt to be and it was all actually more than I dreamed it would be. I was in childcare for 10 years prior. I’m still me but my life is my kids and family I’m a stay at home mum and that’s how I like it. I think for some it can be too much but I’ve actually grown so much as a person rather than lose myself. Just because I don’t play the sports I used to (wakeboard) I’m not missing it and I’m loving this life and role. My husband often says do something for yourself but I am I’m being a mum it’s what I love it what I’ve dreamt of and I’m still me and I let this show through my role.
You are so lucky! I’m very envious. I often feel like I’m not cut out to be a mum. But my kids are happy and healthy and I love being their mum at the end of the day.
I’m often envious of mums who worked in childcare… they know what they are doing. I could say exactly what you do Laney. The cut and thrust and the short term of TV production suited my personality really well. Motherhood less so! But it’s been almost 16 years so I have been tamed a bit. Sending the twins to school a year ago was a huge change, and it has kick started changes that are still rolling along. Definitely am going back to things I have always loved: the sea, words etc etc
Sydney, Kids, Food + Travel’s last post..Sydney 360° – Amazing Videos – See Sydney And See Yourself In Sydney
Having children is such a monumental change to your pace of life isn’t it? It’s a great chance to learn new things about yourself though. I’m glad you’re getting a chance to reconnect with the things you love x
Great advice Laney and glad to hear you have found your motivation again. Guilty of the Facebook head in the sand myself :(
Stacey-Lee’s last post..Wake Up Mumma
It’s so easy to get sucked into FB when you’re trying to avoid something else. Then again, it’s not all evil. There is a wonderful community or virtual village to be found :)
Brilliant advice :) You’ve nailed it perfectly.
Caz (The Truth About Mummy)’s last post..Wordless Wednesday: Climbing Mountains.
Thanks Caz – it’s nice to get something right sometimes ;)
I agree Laney, we all love our kids but it is relentless 24/7 . There is no break and I have found at times it to be thankless. I think we are all on a ride, buckled in hoping for the best at times! We have good days (where we feel like great mums) and then days that go from bad to worse due to tiredness (from mum or child) and then wonder whether we are being the best mum we can be.
I think at the end of the day, we all love our children and try to do whats best for them and do what we need to do to get through the day.
I love being a mum, but it is hard at times especially when you throw in lack of sleep, difficult personalities and health issues into the mix!
Yes it can be thankless. Maybe that’s why it can be so hard at times. The lack of positive feedback. That is until your little boy gives you the double thumbs up and a huge grin after diving under the water at swimming lessons and it just melts your heart! Those are the moments I live for!
I am currently mum to a 4 year old and a 5 week old.
Since the 5 week old has been around and I am stuck in the newborn phase, I make sure to make time to write on my blog – even though it is about him!
I really enjoy writing….even if no-one probably reads it.
Sam Stone’s last post..The "witching hour/s"
Your wee boy will have grown a lot since you left your comment – sorry for my tardiness in replying! I’ve taken a little break from writing as other priorities press me for my time. I realise though that writing is important to me too – and like you, would do it even if no one read it either :). But, even if just one person reads something you write and connects with it, then it’s worth it.
I am totally and utterly lost at the moment! I need direction all the time. I can’t even decide what to cook for dinner and end up putting it off until an hour before we need to eat. I am a total facebook=sand person.
You say to remember your life before kids, but I had my daughter when I was 19, I didn’t have much of a life before kids, it was all just school! I had so many ideas on what I wanted to do back then and it is all different now! Trying to find my own way in amongst all the other stuff I have to do as mum and wife is so confusing it numbs my mind… *sigh*
Katie’s last post..The way life goes! – Give Thanks
I’m sorry I’m only getting around to replying now Katie. Yours is definitely a different situation to mine, but the solution is the same. Do your best to create some space for yourself. Revisit those ideas and dreams. Which are still important to you? Which can you still follow, even if in a different way now that you’re a mum? I hope you find your way. Put yourself first for a change :)
Couldn’t agree more!!! It is sometimes so hard to just take that first step to make some changes!
Heather’s last post..Game Time!
Change is difficult, but immensely rewarding :)
Good on you Laney. Great advice. Focusing on yourself is such a biggy and too often too many mums put that aside. xox
Tahlia @ the parenting files’s last post..doing a little something for your partner
I’m getting much better at it, and consequently I’m getting much better!
Love this post Laney. I find some days, especially since falling pregnant again its been so easy to do just that, bury my head in the sand because I’m not feeling great and I just don’t want to be bothered. I feel like all I do is wait hand and foot on a toddler while another baby used my body as an incubator. I know though that when I get up and do stuff I always feel so much better so I have been making a point to try and get some stuff done around the house, try not to let it all pile up around me, create some order, and then I start to feel better and enjoy the days more, allowing me to be a better Mum to Mia and do a few things for myself too.
Kylez @ A Study in Contradictions’s last post..The Crappy Weeks
The waiting hand and foot is relentless and doesn’t ever seem to end!!! But, it is what it is and sometimes it’s easier to just get on with it than bury our heads in the sand. Have fun enjoying your days more x
I found myself hiding in books a lot more recently. Both girls are really struggling with very different challenges and a good book provides me with a different reality to escape into, it also seems to calm me and help recharge my batteries in a way that screen time doesnt/
Marita’s last post..Recycled Art
What a good escape Marita. I haven’t read a novel for the longest time. I am enjoying doing one of CrashGirl’s puzzles at the moment though. Gives me that same sense of escape :)