*** This post has been submitted to The Wall by Anon ***
Please show your support for someone who has ‘hit the wall’
It’s taken me awhile to get to actually writing anything down, I was just going to leave it because, as I always, I figure who’s going to care, want to know or even end up reading this. But then thinking about, I have to look at it like I do my daughter, I want the world to know our daily life so that other people will know they are not alone, and this is the same, if I don’t say anything then who else will.
I feel like I just keep hitting the wall at the moment. I have a 16mo who is still in newborn clothes, partially deaf, fed 97% by NG (nasogastric feeding tube), has undiagnosed issues with her swallowing, needs grommets but is too small for them at the moment, has had two surgeries so far in her life for her cleft lip and her cleft palate. Due to all of this we know there will be more surgeries in the future, one coming up in the next few months to give her a new feeding tube. She has other undiagnosed issues which could be affecting her growth, development and general life, which means more tests, more hospital appointments, more specialists. And that’s just her.
Throw into the mix that I have two older children. I have a 4yo who is figuring out who he is, which means lots of stroppyness and ignoring requests. And then my 3yo who may or may not need help with her speech, and needs help with her walking.
And then I have my husband who is highly depressed, to the point of attempting suicide several times. For now things are on the right track, but his mood can still swing downwards which can make things oh so hard to deal with.
But me? Well that’s something I just don’t talk about often because, as any mother does, I put my children and my husband first. Someone needs to hold it all together and keep everything running and on time. But I am so tired, in every way. I have nights where the kids are fast asleep, my husband is playing on his xbox, I’m on the computer and I finally have some time to think, and I feel like crying sometimes because I’m so tired. But I don’t, because my husband doesn’t need that added to his ‘issues’. So I’m maintaining a strong front, I just wish I had someone I could talk to, but considering my lack of friends, this is the best that I have.
So thank you for this.
This post submitted by: M
To learn more about The Truth About Being a Mum: Part 2 and to enter a writing competition to win $100AUD Visa gift card, read this post.