*** This post has been submitted to The Wall by Anon ***
Please show your support for someone who has ‘hit the wall’
Thanks,
Laney x
::
It’s taken me awhile to get to actually writing anything down, I was just going to leave it because, as I always, I figure who’s going to care, want to know or even end up reading this. But then thinking about, I have to look at it like I do my daughter, I want the world to know our daily life so that other people will know they are not alone, and this is the same, if I don’t say anything then who else will.
I feel like I just keep hitting the wall at the moment. I have a 16mo who is still in newborn clothes, partially deaf, fed 97% by NG (nasogastric feeding tube), has undiagnosed issues with her swallowing, needs grommets but is too small for them at the moment, has had two surgeries so far in her life for her cleft lip and her cleft palate. Due to all of this we know there will be more surgeries in the future, one coming up in the next few months to give her a new feeding tube. She has other undiagnosed issues which could be affecting her growth, development and general life, which means more tests, more hospital appointments, more specialists. And that’s just her.
Throw into the mix that I have two older children. I have a 4yo who is figuring out who he is, which means lots of stroppyness and ignoring requests. And then my 3yo who may or may not need help with her speech, and needs help with her walking.
And then I have my husband who is highly depressed, to the point of attempting suicide several times. For now things are on the right track, but his mood can still swing downwards which can make things oh so hard to deal with.
But me? Well that’s something I just don’t talk about often because, as any mother does, I put my children and my husband first. Someone needs to hold it all together and keep everything running and on time. But I am so tired, in every way. I have nights where the kids are fast asleep, my husband is playing on his xbox, I’m on the computer and I finally have some time to think, and I feel like crying sometimes because I’m so tired. But I don’t, because my husband doesn’t need that added to his ‘issues’. So I’m maintaining a strong front, I just wish I had someone I could talk to, but considering my lack of friends, this is the best that I have.
So thank you for this.
This post submitted by: M
To learn more about The Truth About Being a Mum: Part 2 and to enter a writing competition to win $100AUD Visa gift card, read this post.
M, people do care. Thank you so much for sharing. There will be so many mums out there who put themselves last, just like you. We know how you’re feeling, even if our situation is not the same. You are an absolute trooper, but you need to take care of you too. Thank you again for writing how you feel. We are all here to prop each other up.
Much love,
Laney x
M, you have written so beautifully about what you are going through. You matter so much. You have a voice. You are not alone. I am so glad to have read your story. Motherhood is a tough gig – we need each other to stay strong. I am glad you found Laney’s wall to share your story.
Sending all my love.
Catherine xx
Catherine Rodie Blagg’s last post..Can’t
Oh, M. I hear you and I applaud you for keeping your family going. You must have so much strength to just keep everything moving along as you obviously are. Now, I want to ask of you to start doing something for yourself. I understand that you have restrictions with your children but you do mean a lot and you have to acknowledge that and start caring for yourself. Can you slip in a bath once a week with a mag? Can you buy yourself a take away coffee to thoroughly enjoy once a week? Little things help. I dont know you or your situation but I do know as a mum of four that it is so important for me to stop and be me. I need to feed my soul in order for others around me to thrive. It sounds as though you need to talk to someone, either join a playgroup or some sort of activity where you can meet other mums and you will find that you will have a ot in common with them. Perhaps you could suggest something to your husband so he gets some help also? Again, I dont know you, so Im only suggesting ideas. Is there something you can all do together that will make you smile? Maybe a bush walk, a picnic, bike ride….. You have a lot on your plate and you need to be kind to yourself. I hope you find a friend that you can be you with….. Much love Leigh x
Leigh Van Der Horst’s last post..My Inspiration. By Sarah Ockwell-Smith
Dear M I am so glad you have come to the blogging community to talk things out as here there is always someone to listen and understand.I dont blog but I do visit many as I find on blogs people are there for eachother.Sometimes to offer advice or to just listen or to offer a laugh to lighten the moment.
Please never feel alone and know we here care.
I wish you strength and hope you find comfort amongst many who have been through tough times and can relate to what you are going through.Big hugs.xx
M, I can hear the exhaustion in your words and my heart goes out to you in such a tough situation. I’m glad you found Laney’s wall and were able to share what you are feeling. The online community is a very supportive one and a great way to reach out when you are at home. Don’t ever feel that you are alone. If you can, you should allow yourself a little cry from time to time, the release can help. Hugs to you and best wishes xox
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You are a remarkable woman! I go nuts over little things & reading your story makes me feel ashamed.
I will pray for you especially & your children that somehow things will get better one day (& for sure it will). Your family is lucky to have you.
Sending you lots of love & strength.
Kia kaha, sleep lots and don’t think too hard you will get through it, you are not alone. ever.
sorry that was so brief, i didn’t think it would post :) I never post comments but I couldn’t leave you hanging on the wall, when you were so brave to type, and especially when you are so tired; there are some people you can call like: Lifeline
A generalist and crisis telephone counselling, information and referral service, provided by trained volunteers who are supported by professional staff.
Phone 13 11 14 – - 24 hour service
as you should not feel truly alone; you need specialist medical help etc for your youngest but don’t overlook a friendly ear who is trained to listen too. Tough reality for you especially all factors combined, Prayers for you from me too.
Thanks for your support Theresa. M actually lives in NZ so the Lifeline number is 0800 543 354 :)
You are amazing – it makes me ashamed to think I whinge about my perfectly healthy kids and husband. I can’t imagine how exhausted you must be – I know how exhausted I am with just the ordinary trials and tribulations of motherhood. I hope that you can find the time, energy and strength to find some friends, whether online or out in the real world. I know how isolating motherhood of any kind can be when you find it difficult to make friends. Know that there are always places like this to express your feelings, which can be incredibly helpful just in itself. It’s so important to look after yourself as well, so that you can keep up the amazing job you are doing with the difficult hand life has played you. Best wishes – I will be thinking of you.
M your strength is incredible. There would be no person on earth not exhausted by what you have on your plate, and yet you are able to find the words to share your feelings so beautifully, that lovely lady is true strength. I do hope that you can find some time to look after you as you matter very much. I’m wishing you the best x
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M, what an amazing post – thank you for sharing, it’s so hard to do sometimes. I hope you can find some time and support to care for yourself. And remember the blogging community is always here when you need to unload. Kelly
Dear M. I cried reading your post. I have my tough days but I dont think they compare to yours. You have so much strength and love. I hope you find a way to fit in some time for yourself. At the end of a tough day I stumbled upon (it just popped into my mind as I was sitting with my eyes closed) that I was allowed to be kind to myself. It was amazing what I difference it made that realisation to the way I felt at the time. I hope you allow you to tbe kind to yourself. You certainly deserve it. Wishing you all the best xo